All Your Bridesmaid Drama Solved!

31 Jul

Bridemaid AUnt Karen took care of Inigo when Mommy was busy with Maid of Honor duties. No drama there.

Ugh – almost every bride has been faced with it: drama from her wedding party. From infighting to unenthusiastic attendants to jealousy, there are many problems that can crop up. Learn how to resolve some of the most common types of bridesmaid drama.

With my cousin Ella at my sister's wedding. Karen in the background.

The Unenthusiastic Bridesmaid. You’ve asked your one of your best pals to stand up with you in your wedding, and she accepted. Yet when it comes to shopping for bridesmaid dresses, showing up to showers, or talking over wedding plans with you, she is clearly disinterested. What gives? Often times, brides forget that their wedding is not the central focus of other people’s lives. It could be that your ‘maid is simply busy with work or school. It might be that she is sad because your wedding reminds her that she does not have a boyfriend. And it might, just might, even be that she is tired of hearing wedding talk from you 24/7. The best way to handle the unenthusiastic bridesmaid is to lay off on the wedding talk and catch up with what is going on in her life – you are likely to discover that her lack of excitement over your nuptials is nothing personal. The one thing you cannot do is fire an attendant for not showing proper enthusiasm, because it will definitely spell an end to the friendship.

The Jealous Sniper. You have been hearing on the grapevine that one of your bridesmaids has been questioning some of your choices for the wedding and saying that she would have done it differently. The likely cause? Jealousy! This is a bridesmaid who wishes it was her wedding being planned. Either that, or she simply cannot stand to let someone else be the center of attention. There are two ways to deal with this type of bridesmaid. One is to stop sharing all of the wedding details with her so she has nothing to talk about. But a better way may be to get her more involved. You can let her know that you have been hearing around town that she is less than impressed with some of the choices you have made, then gently ask her for her input. Maybe if she were more involved in things like shopping for bridesmaid gifts and centerpieces, she would find less to complain about.

Sister bridesmaids Karen and Hennessey

Choosing Between Your Sister and Best Friend for Maid of Honor. Your best friend is the one who stood by you through all those terrible relationships before you finally found “the one”, the person who makes you laugh more than anyone, and woman who knows (and keeps!) all of your secrets. But your sister is…your sister. You may not be as close to her, but blood is thicker than water, as they say. The best solution is to have two maids of honor, or if one of them is married a maid of honor and a matron of honor. Distinguish them from the rest of the bridesmaids by giving them larger bouquets and extra special bridesmaid gifts. If they are pressuring you to choose just one, it is usually safer to go with your sister, because your best friend will likely understand if you say your mother is insisting that you go with sis, but the reverse is not true.

stealing a pre-ceremony moment in the bridal car

Quarreling Bridesmaids. Just because you adore all the ladies in your bridal party does not mean that they all love one another. Groups of attendants can come from all of the different parts of a bride’s life, and your best friend from high school might not have anything in common with your college roommate or your cousin from London. This can lead to bickering and infighting amongst the bridesmaids. As much as possible, the bride should stay out of the fray, or ask a neutral party to play peacemaker. If that does not do the trick, let your bridesmaids know that you love them, but that their bickering is upsetting you. While they may not like each other, they should all care about making the bride happy. And remind them that after the wedding, they will be able to go their separate ways; any group should be able to come together for a shared occasion like a wedding for a limited period of time.

Bridget Mora has been working with brides – and their sometimes troublesome bridal parties – for many years. Please even the pickest bridesmaids with fabulous bridesmaid gifts from Silverland Jewelry.


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